Relationship Reflection

How do start a thought process about relationships? They are all around me. This is going to be a very personal blog post. First, it is fitting to share a quote that my dad has said over and over through the years: "Communication is key to any relationship." This extends beyond personal relationships, but also professional ones, too. I have received that statement from him too many times to count! Now, I say it to my husband all the time, too! We have now read the research supporting that statement, and we can all agree, it is true. Now, onto my relationships....why are they important to me? Without them, I would feel like nothing. In my friendships and relationships, I have someone to talk to, to listen to me, to help, support and encourage me whenever I need to talk. I am also all of that to someone, when they need to talk. There are so many people I would like to talk about and share our experiences with you...I will try to keep it short....

These are my parents on my wedding day. My parents were my first relationships, but I did not know how much value they truly possessed in my life until after this day, once I got married and moved across the US. In the last four years of marriage, I have developed a new relationship with them, and they are so special to me. My dad is a great listener and has lived through a lot. He has always been able to share some of his experiences when I need to hear another perspective. He has helped my husband and I with money (both managing our own and having to borrow some), he has advised my husband on professional abilities (such as selling skills), and he always gets so excited when I call. He tells me he knows by the sound of my voice as soon as he answers the phone whether I am calling just to chat, or if I have something on my mind. Being in any relationships means both players involved know each other; they know what's normal and when something is off, and they are willing to listen and try to fix what is wrong (even if they can't, they want to). My mother is just as great. Woman to woman, we were not that close prior to me being married. My relationship with my parents before was very much "don't ask, don't tell." In fact, even some of those not-so-put-together-moments that I have had, goes to show I am exactly my parents' child. I have learned so much about them since I turned 21, that I never had any idea about...like my dad in college (lol). Now, my mother and I can talk about anything; I am not as scared approaching topics like sex and birth control (maybe because I am married now, and that's the biggest part of it) like I used to be. They are pretty intimidating people, but once you get to know them, you will understand they value their relationships, and that value has been passed to me. Before my father gave me away to my husband (Joe, far right in photo), he had very serious talks with me and Joe separately about what we were getting ourselves into. Joe has been married before. We met in June of 2007 and married in May 2008, a week before I graduated college, because he had orders to recruit in Missouri and I didn't want to lose him. Thanks to my parents' bond, I was able to cross all those bridges with Joe before we married. For the first few months knowing Joe, as just friends, we talked so much! Up all night, everyday, just talking! I was honest with him from day one about how I felt about relationships and communication. Joe was ready for it when my dad approached it!

Joe is my best friend and my partner. We can talk about any little thing, good or bad, and learn from each other. Communication has been the key for our relationship. I set up the stage that there were to be no secrets, nothing held back, and we have had good times and bad, but we are always able to sit and talk through our problems. We don't let things build up over time, we share them even when they feel insignificant or superficial. Many times, the other person has not even realized anything of it, and then we change or explain why it is what it is. Funny tidbit, my husband is sitting on the couch behind me playing a video game, and he asked why I was posting pictures of us in this blog. I explained to him this assignment and we both laughed at how hard this is for me because of how strongly I feel about communication and relationships. As I mentioned before, this blog is going to be very personal...and deep (and probably long) because I have had so many experiences that further deepen how strongly I feel about relationships. Anyways, our relationship is positive because we build each other up, we tell each other how proud we are, and we appreciate the little things in life. We are always developing and maintaining our relationship. Currently, we still struggle sometimes with house work because we both work long hours and come home exhausted. I have schoolwork to do, so I want him to help more around the house; and he sees it as he will get to it tomorrow. Frankly, if the worst thing we have to argue about is the work around the house, I think we are doing ok! It has been four years now, three states, numerous jobs for me, packing and unpacking, etc; we will always develop more perspectives on our relationship, but we are able to sit and communicate every emotion involved with them. Oh, as for what started our relationship, we met in a bar, one night I got stood up. And although I was kind of seeing someone else, Joe was very persistent after what he wanted. We started as friends, for about six months (while I was still technically trying to see someone else--Joe knew about this), but then I just started realizing I could not imagine my life without him there. So then, five months after that, we got married and moved to Missouri in 2 weeks! We laid the foundation as friends first, even in our marriage, it's not about the sex and all that romantic stuff, it's starts with our friendship and communication.

On a deeper note, I have mentioned I feel very strongly about relationships and communication. This is partly because my parents instilled the wisdom in me all my life, but also because in 2003, when I was 17, my boyfriend passed away on his way to come pick me up to spend the day together. Everything happened in an instance, and we will never know what exactly caused him to run off the road, but one thing is certain, life is too short to not value what you have with people. It was a sunny Thursday morning, about 10am, and we had plans to celebrate Valentine's Day and our year-anniversary. True friendships get tested in those horrific curve balls life throws at you sometimes. The first people to know about the accident involving my boyfriend were his old best friends, they had had some stupid falling out over high school drama, we were only 17. But those guys were at my house waiting with me and were there when I got the call. They have never felt so much regret for the stupid things they had said to him. Other people that I had had falling outs with called or came over to show their support for me. I am still close friends of several of these people, and we will forever be connected by that experience. It takes a lot for me to let people in certain levels of my life. I have had acquaintances that I thought were more like friends, but then they weren't. True friendships/relationships are those that do not let petty little things come between them. Relationships need communication and they need to be continuously maintenanced. It has to be 50/50, a two-way street, each person must give a little to get a little. You have to pick your battles, but not sweep too much under the rug. It's about honesty and trust. My husband thought of a funny quote years ago, before we were married, and he sent it to me and my 2 closest girlfriends at the time. He said (now this is more known, but to me, he always said it first) "friends are like buttcheeks. no matter how much sh** comes between them, they always stick together." Now, I would like to introduce you to my buttcheek:

This is Jocelyn. We talk about everything. Anything that you may think you would never tell another living soul, we have talked about..or we could talk about if we needed to. Today, we are separated by 3 states and we may only talk on the phone once a month. When we do, it's like it was yesterday and we just pick up where we left off. That is a strong relationship. No matter what, if something huge happened in either of our lives, we would be there as fast as we could. Regardless of how long it had been since we last talked. It is hard to maintain friendships when you are geographically separated. Human beings need physical contact with one another, and sometimes you naturally get closest to those closest to you. In my shoes, as a military wife, I can't do that. Not from everything I have experienced, I could not imagine just finding these types of friends anywhere I go. I need those people that have been through things with me, or at least know enough about an experience that they can be supportive. I still remain in contact with my closest high school girlfriends, all of whom were at my house and lived with me for a week after my boyfriend died. We all plan time to meet up around holidays when we all travel home again. Then, there are my college roommates, who each come from similar backgrounds to each other, but really different than my own. Specifically my roommate I was randomly assigned to Freshman year, we hit it off and lived together all four years of undergrad. We are very different, but those differences contribute to our relationship in that we can always count on a perspective we may not have otherwise considered. Relationships can define who we are as people. I could not imagine my life without my relationships.

In the context of early childhood, I value my relationships with my families and children. I try to get to know my families personally and celebrate milestones with them. I keep open communication with them and I have noticed the more I tell them funny stories about their child, for example, the more they tell me about home life, and they are more likely to come to me with little issues before taking them to managers. Having left my families in Missouri, I keep in touch with them and the children still ask about me. I cannot wait to visit and see them again. Relationships are about sharing, communicating, trusting, supporting and encouraging. I think we can all use this in our work in the field of early childhood!